Cruel Fuel

by Seez Mics

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    You could say they are single, and ready to mingle (with your money.)

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1.
03:07
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02:03
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02:16
12.
13.

about

the more life
i live
the more i realize
life is hard
for everybody.

"Cruel Fuel"
is an exploration of the
experiences and circumstances
that have made my life hard
but i felt unable to deal with directly
because of fear and shame.

my hope
is that being open and honest
encourages others to
deal directly with their fear and shame
instead of continuing to be
fueled by
the same
cruel fuel.

credits

released September 23, 2014

Lyrics by Seez Mics (Fuwwy Music, ASCAP)
Music by Max Bent
"Torn" features lyrics by Kristoff Krane
"Post Pathic Profiteers" features scratches by DJ Abilities

tags

license

all rights reserved

about

Seez Mics D.C.

my music
is a mirror
looking back
at you.

contact / help

Contact Seez Mics

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Track Name: M.O.M.
Money or mom, mom or money.

I kind of like being crazy enough
Making a fuss will make you adjust
I’m too engaging for escaping, the blade didn’t rust
Just the mirror masquerading as us.

I kind of like being crazy enough
That making a fuss will make you adjust to saying it’s love
I’m too engaging for escaping, the blade didn’t rust
Just the mirror masquerading as us
Come on.

And all the boys say: money or mom, mom or money
And all the girls say: money or mom, mom or money
And everything in between: money or mom, mom or money.

Worn out from wearing smiles, I put on my predator eyes
Bored enough to bear a child, come inside me but never arrive
Boarded up and bearing down, less wall more end of the line
Worn out so I wear denials, cash grab and I’m setting my fires.

Lucid as a bank statement
My faith went out with the lights, periods, and late payments
I’m abrasive as a screaming baby, so I scream too saying:
“Fuck me, pay me!”
First to kiss, I’m the last to come
On a paper fist or a plastic tongue
I give no quarter, I ask for none
Only tell my truths for elastic sums
And it runs from the family to bars and shows
Where children die and adults don’t grow
Victimized by time and place
Hypnotized by violence, wait:
Open up the cash register
Only way you gonna catch predators.

Now when I separate god from sin
I disassociate what I did
Then I remember I’m in love with him
And it all comes rushing in
In a flood of fear I can’t avoid
Asleep in a hell built and destroyed
By a godless girl and a cancer boy
Who were all too happy to be Santa’s toys
Oh well, sucks for him
We were better off just as friends
He said something by the jungle gym
“Metal hearts and rusted skin…”
Nothing lasts but the truth, so I trashed all the clues
To the past, then I cashed in my blues
I was honest when I told him, “I’m just glad it was you”
So relax, and hope he never asks me for proof.

Money or mom, mom or money.
Track Name: Serotonin Sweepstakes
The beauty
Of being
A child
The beauty of being a child is feeling the same way
Pretty much all the time.

Manifestations of obsessive compulsive behavior
Misinterpreted as intelligence
In hopes of putting meaning to suffering
Or duty to discovering
Instead of accepting the likelihood of imperial bacterial
Survival of the phoniest fan club
Throwing your hands up, you’re lonely and life is
A social jerk work experiment gone wrong where the users got used
And the rich wrote rituals
Lip service lunacy, lethargy, labeling, limiting
Leave it to the pharmacy, leap into the nuclear arms
Of social dominance: the serotonin sweepstakes
Swept us aside, a tidal wave goodbye
By a moon that piracies cons from jokes that may have never landed anyway.

Anyway
On the way
In the way
Stay away.

A symbolic frolic through an anabolic
Building block to feel on top, but how low would you go insane
When the results vary among various
Categorical, territorial messianic memorials
The moral is meandering, pandering, panicking
Punishing, pillaging, kill the king, long live the queen bee
Be better to be bitten by recessive gene pool sharks
Sink your teeth or swim through gullible gullyworks
Nothing works but the ambulance’s ambivalence
Towards innocence, oh the guilty pleasure
Of quitting while you’re ahead of the funerals and fanfare’s fireball
Have your package severanced in time for the helladays
Hollow nights, feel the morning wood’s cellulose
Celebrate a diatribe as you digest
Readers inability to comprehend single cell sentencing.

Sentencing
Simmering
Summoning
Silencing.

The beauty of being a child is feeling the same way
Pretty much all the time.
Track Name: Becomes A Ghost
Ghosts
chase
You
chase
Dragon
And becomes a ghost, like
This is the best I can do
With what I wish didn’t happen
Addiction, adaption
Addition, subtraction.

Like, the ghosts chase you
So you chase the dragon
While the dragon chases its tail
And becomes a ghost, like…
Must be all that white privilege
Must be a I’m a man in a man’s world
Must be my parents are still together
Must be my graduate education
Must be any advantage that you could assume
Without knowing of the hells that I’ve been through
And sure, they’re now in my head
But there’s no worse place for hell to be
And you agree
I can see with the facial expression
Recognition software that’s embedded in my coping skills
You as well have a pain so internalized
Putting it in words just intensifies the loneliness
Ironic, relatives can’t relate
To the chalk outlines that they’ve sketched on your slate
And friends have agendas of their own
So no matter how surrounded, you always feel alone, like…

The ghosts chase you
So you chase the dragon
While the dragon chases its tail
And becomes a ghost, like…

This is the best I can do
With what I wish didn’t happen
Addiction, adaption
Addition, subtraction.

Like, I gotta get yelled at for something
Gotta get left with nothing but walls
Gotta get gassed, believe that I’m perfect
Gotta get my imperfections exploited
Gotta get my dose of cortisol
Absorb it all, then treat the world like a court of law
Before the fall, there’s blame: people need saviors
Now everyone’s addicted to shame seeking behaviors
Temper tantrums, road rage, and button pushing
Bound by brains to bash against boundaries
Serotonin isn’t up there with oxygen
It’s down here for when opportunity knocks again
Locked within a 12 step 2 step
Who step? You step, I step off of the wagon
Living for the now just ruined me for later
Can’t threaten me with death: you’d be doing me a favor.

Like, the ghosts chase us
So we chase the dragon
While the dragon chases its tail
And becomes a ghost, like…
Track Name: Social Insecurity
Manic, restless: a myriad of stimulants and depressants
Have got us all about to cram the exits
I ran inspections, collected data, planned corrections
Then came to grips, we’re just a blip, less than a nanosecond.

The land’s infested meaning the planet’s essence
Has been bastardized by man’s investments that manifest as
Monetization of expansion efforts
Privately planning fences while smiling for the camera lenses
Scam the desperate, put a clamp on their pension
Social insecurity, no purity in standard testing
It’s just a measurement of aptitude for panicked spending
The lions share can’t compare to what the lambs are lending
Rampant aggression towards inanimate possessions
Externalized reflection when internal panic sets in
Now we brandish weapons cause the fam is stressing
Over the keys of life and I’m not talking about piano lessons.

We can’t accept it, feeling that we’ve been threatened
Sitting on a gold mine but too proud to stand corrected
Overwhelmed glands and senses, god damn it’s endless
We sledge hammer ants while we glad hand molesters.

You can’t protect us, we’re wearing condoms like amendments
And channel friendships to manipulate for bland affections
No attempt to respect or understand your preference
So anyone you can’t have sex with is a tranny sexist
And sex is as nonchalant as preparing breakfast
To fill the void our parents left us so all we’re left with
Porn addicted adolescents who cram erections
To hormonal whores who think they look better as anorexics
Tolerance shrinks as the Xanax stretches
Neurological connections that allow us to examine leverage
Grandest gestures got us game planning benders
To fit into our predetermined name branded genders.

The hang man’s agenda: a nest egg of scrambled ethics
Revamp the message, oppressed rubber stamp oppressors
Insurance is endurance, while the grains of sand connected
But humans are bacteria, disease is an antiseptic.

Cancer spreads quick, grants a death wish
You only get 3, you see- the lamp is left stiff
Hereditary defects in the hands of jesters
The jokes on your fingerprints when they scanned your retinas
A random checklist of soft tissue exposed
To chemically enhanced pressures leaving you breathless
Even you, precious- nobody’s safe, the dance is destined
So ask yourself how much health can really answer questions
Eternal life is impossible, not to mention
Undesirable given the circumstance’s premise:
A blemish, a menace, it’s curtains when the planet sheds us
Nature abhors a vacuum, heed what I’ve said cause…

We’re manic, restless: a myriad of stimulants and depressants
Have got us all about to cram the exits
I ran inspections, collected data, planned corrections
Then came to grips, we’re just a blip, less than a nanosecond.
Track Name: That's Not How It Works
Power grab, grift
Swift with a pain switch so turn it off
My footprints stay the same
Stepped on it, kept promise, next product for the pioneers
Stop by and say, “High!” next time you’re here
Any time of year
The season is Seez’s, he’s just emphatic, erratic
But when the beat’s in the speakers, he’s got these patterns automatic
And styles that the critics can’t credit
Cause you really can’t get it if you don’t understand…
Get it?
Got it, I profit off of approval from self
External validation mistaken as glue for your shell
And I’m sick of hearing rappers getting passes on bullshit
That’s bullshit
I’m breaking out the tool kit for Cool Whip
Bulls eye, direct hit, don’t mix
A clever rhyme up with a clever idea
I love my friends that are here, I miss my good friend Eyedea
And if you make shitty music, I wish that you’d disappear
Then he could come back, back and all would be fine, fine
But that’s not how it works, works
What is wrong with my mind?

That’s not how it works.
Track Name: Things Change
Bubbling up from the oblivion like a billion butterflies
The possibilities of now
The inevitability of a snow flake
It’s own uniqueness… melting
Because things
Change…

And in this way, stay the same.
Track Name: Human Farm
I want to see that smile of yours
Two legs bad, let’s get down on all fours
We are animals
Who learned to keep score.

We were both holding on to our fear
Cause it’s the only way we knew we were here
Keeping it near just to appear
Like we’re not alone.

We were as honest as we could have been
And I doubt much has changed since then
I’d say hello, but my control
Is wearing thin.

There is love, then there is lust
Chemicals combine, then they combust
Without trust, it is just
An inhuman game.

You see, narcissists shouldn’t have kids
The whole world’s gone to shit cause they did
We built a grid, so now we all live
On a human farm.

I want to see that smile of yours
Two legs bad, let’s get down on all fours
We are animals
Who learned to keep score.

Keep trying that.
Track Name: What Your Head Will Hold
My mom was sick while I was young
It only takes a woman’s love
To make me feel like I am 5 again
When I was 5, wrong time and place
My body froze, my mind escaped
Into a void where there was no noise
Boys yelled at me and what they said
Created monsters in my head
Which explains the monster I became.

There is no god, there is no devil
There is no truth, there is no special
There’s only what your head will hold.

I’d wonder where my mom could be
While the monsters talked to me
They’d tell me, “Let our poison fill your soul.”
I did my best to keep my cool
And play by all their silly rules
But I fear that loss is all I’ll ever know
Kellie left, Mikey died
Now I just have monsters inside
I see my head and want to drill a hole.

There is no god, there is no devil
There is no truth, there is no special
There’s only what your head will hold.

Now I am not afraid to die
Because the way that death must feel
Cannot be worse than the pain I’m in
I lost true love, I lost a friend
I lost my sense of self, and then
I found my head can only hold so much
In my heart, I know I am good
Though a misanthrope, misunderstood
But worst of all, I feel like I’m bad luck.

There is no god, there is no devil
There is no truth, there is no special
There’s only what your head will hold.
Track Name: Never Apologize To Your Rapist
you
will
never
fear
smell
again

you will never smell my fear again

It was a hot cold day night in Jucember
The hormones burned memories to ember
I remember our reality was so hardly half-hearted
It felt softer to pretend we’re…

you will never smell my fear again

… whole enough for love despite what you put inside of me
Your internal penis envy found an outlet in your mouth
Penetrate, penalize, recidivist reasons why
Hide so deep in your subconscious
There’s no conscious in being honest
I’m not your father, it’s not my fault you’re a fucking failure
Just like your memory: remember to forget
I fought back by not fighting
Manipulated mind spread wide as thighs
Thematic thrusting, figurative fisting
A mouthful of lashes
Let’s just illuminate the loathing
Project, infect, protect…
Shell shocked shoe shine, take your victimized mask off
Reveal face of an assaulter, then the arms of an avenger.

It was a hot cold day night in Jucember
The hormones burned memories to ember
I remember our reality was so hardly half-hearted
It felt softer to pretend we’re…

never apologize to your rapist

Claim you’re not a liar, liar truth is never momentary
Overbearing burdened by the boundaries and broken
Skinsulated by the company you keep on pulling in
To push away and peel a layer of respect off of the fruit
Bar fly so have a drink, my blood is on the house keys
I wish I’d locked the door soon enough to open up my eyes
Have it, we don’t, compatible’s compartmentalized
Codependency of pride, being wrong never felt so right.

i feel like i should say something here

Or wrong, responses get repetitive
Every relapse, a lash on the leaps I wouldn’t take
I could stand around and watch you fall apart
Or in love, but what’s the difference when now is not enough?
Whenever will be?
Do the world a favor: favor the world
Filter, finger
Blame’s more comfortable
When it comes to you, I won’t come for you
I’m uncomfortable and won’t apologize for saying so
So.
Track Name: Torn w/ Kristoff Krane
(Seez Mics)

No need to tear at the flesh of the flesh that’s already been
Torn.
Why didn’t I chase your ghost
When you left our haunted house
Too scared to need know
If you really wanted out
How’s that for narcissism
How about my heartless prison
I did my time, some time went by
So high, I was almost living
Listened to me long enough to put a pattern to your escape
But you didn’t kill me, that was your biggest mistake
I’m still awake
Your flesh is still appealing
But when I touch, there is no feeling
Used to be my angel, now your halo is a noose concealing
Vampire bites from Frankenstein
When the sheep cry werewolf, blatant lie
So a banshee flies to a place to hide
While the man made monster stays inside
time
Take your time
live
We’ll live forever
die
Unless we die because we couldn’t live together
I’m torn
You’re torn
We’re torn.

(Kristoff Krane)

Some things just don’t work out
Lazy dirty bird in a little worm’s mouth
Take a turn down the worst route
Learn to stop the car, park and get out
Look up, get blessed, get down on my knees: kiss death
This process of detachment’s got me holding my last breath
A memory of something missing
His energy is always living
He made my candle a lantern
I guess it had to happen
Reminding me to always listen (heart)
To the voice of ancient wisdom (heart)
I played the host, I chased his ghost
Til I caught a cold and kept drifting (apart)
Some things don’t go as planned
When signs of a flood, we tend to build a damn
Start to fool myself thinking I could be the man
Like Gilligan on an island all alone
So I make my bed, stay up all night
Thinking if I don’t sleep, it’ll be alright
But something just doesn’t feel right
Like I’m running from a big bright light
That force that pulls on you like full moon in mid June
Trying to decide whether to misuse or miss you
It’s simple: tip toe to the window, BOOM PISTOL
Til it rips through the other side
When something dies, something is born
With tissue
I’m torn.
Track Name: Cruel Fuel
I did my best, now let me go
I turned my pain into a plus
Then put on quite the show
And made it real for all of us
If there's a god, please let me know
This cruel is fuel enough
For being high on what's below
My will will die of rust.

I don't trust so I don't tread
I swim through guilt full steam ahead
My machine is never clean
Fueled by the cruel in what I've heard and seen
Close your mouth, and then your eyes
Take off your skin, bury your bones
My mind is closed, my heart’s a grave
The ghosts of gravitational pull and unemotional push.

You've got to accept that fear can prevent you from ever having moments of happiness
cruelfuel!
Only then can you make the conscious choice to tell the fear you're not happy with…

A cheap life full of avarice
A peace pipe for the pacifist
Delight in the sadness since
The immature machines are fueled by the same cruel
Sleep tight in the scattered mist
Speak right with haphazard lips
Real life wanna act as is if
The immature machines are fueled by the same cruel fuel!

Another night, I can’t fall asleep
Another day, I can’t wake up
Another life, I don’t wanna die
Another death, I don’t wanna live.
Track Name: Post Pathic Profiteers w/ DJ Abilities
We’re in the business of being bad
Bad at understanding
And business is good
The market requires
No soul researching
Patterns of a populace cherry picked
By window shopping
Desperate displays
Of a normal nobody knows
Yet everyone expects to own.

Give us your wired, your bored befuddled asses
Staring at TV’s
We’ll color code debt they don’t have yet
Buy em in black, sell em in red
Atomize the nuclear family
Itemize the cost of conception
Insure brains against bodies
Put pills in your bottles and on your plates
Grow more grains than our bellies can hold
The starved for attention scream for scraps
When the yes men start telling you “no”
The pyramids were dreams til the schemes collapsed.

We’re in the business of being bad
Bad at understanding
And business is good
The market requires
No soul researching
Patterns of a populace cherry picked
By window shopping
Desperate displays
Of a normal nobody knows
Yet everyone expects to own.

We walk a mile in the shoes of urban youth
Then sell fear in the form of fast food
We put your head on our shoulders and say,
“There, there… by the way, the monsters are real.”
We burn books about how to build bridges
Then let the fire extinguish foundations
We build cages and call them schools
Then funnel all the rats into bigger cages
We killed hemp and electrics cars
We sell planets and sex with stars
We only fight to collect the scars
We didn’t think it would get this far.

We’re in the business of being bad
Bad at understanding
And thanks to your brand loyalty
You know, business is good
The market requires
No soul researching
Patterns of a populace cherry picked
By window shopping
Desperate displays
Of a normal nobody knows
Yet everyone expects to own
We feel for you.

Like a hand which was full of figs
Then bitten by upright pigs
Like a limb which was lost at sea
While fishing for compliments
Like the empathy you tried to grasp
But couldn’t hold without dropping cash
Like the pedestals where you place
Heroes to watch em fall from grace
Like the prayers you pray, like the flags you wave
Like the wars you wage because your god is gay
Post pathic profiteers.