Cruel Fuel

by Seez Mics

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  • Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    Digi-pak CD. Can be shipped without autograph in shrink wrap if requested, but my tag looks pretty cool.

    Includes unlimited streaming of Cruel Fuel via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
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  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

    The CD, poster, and sing along lyrics book are offered as single items in my merch section.
    You could say they are single, and ready to mingle (with your money.)
    Purchasable with gift card

      $9.99 USD  or more

     

1.
M.O.M. 03:07
Money or mom, mom or money. I kind of like being crazy enough Making a fuss will make you adjust I’m too engaging for escaping, the blade didn’t rust Just the mirror masquerading as us. I kind of like being crazy enough That making a fuss will make you adjust to saying it’s love I’m too engaging for escaping, the blade didn’t rust Just the mirror masquerading as us Come on. And all the boys say: money or mom, mom or money And all the girls say: money or mom, mom or money And everything in between: money or mom, mom or money. Worn out from wearing smiles, I put on my predator eyes Bored enough to bear a child, come inside me but never arrive Boarded up and bearing down, less wall more end of the line Worn out so I wear denials, cash grab and I’m setting my fires. Lucid as a bank statement My faith went out with the lights, periods, and late payments I’m abrasive as a screaming baby, so I scream too saying: “Fuck me, pay me!” First to kiss, I’m the last to come On a paper fist or a plastic tongue I give no quarter, I ask for none Only tell my truths for elastic sums And it runs from the family to bars and shows Where children die and adults don’t grow Victimized by time and place Hypnotized by violence, wait: Open up the cash register Only way you gonna catch predators. Now when I separate god from sin I disassociate what I did Then I remember I’m in love with him And it all comes rushing in In a flood of fear I can’t avoid Asleep in a hell built and destroyed By a godless girl and a cancer boy Who were all too happy to be Santa’s toys Oh well, sucks for him We were better off just as friends He said something by the jungle gym “Metal hearts and rusted skin…” Nothing lasts but the truth, so I trashed all the clues To the past, then I cashed in my blues I was honest when I told him, “I’m just glad it was you” So relax, and hope he never asks me for proof. Money or mom, mom or money.
2.
The beauty Of being A child The beauty of being a child is feeling the same way Pretty much all the time. Manifestations of obsessive compulsive behavior Misinterpreted as intelligence In hopes of putting meaning to suffering Or duty to discovering Instead of accepting the likelihood of imperial bacterial Survival of the phoniest fan club Throwing your hands up, you’re lonely and life is A social jerk work experiment gone wrong where the users got used And the rich wrote rituals Lip service lunacy, lethargy, labeling, limiting Leave it to the pharmacy, leap into the nuclear arms Of social dominance: the serotonin sweepstakes Swept us aside, a tidal wave goodbye By a moon that piracies cons from jokes that may have never landed anyway. Anyway On the way In the way Stay away. A symbolic frolic through an anabolic Building block to feel on top, but how low would you go insane When the results vary among various Categorical, territorial messianic memorials The moral is meandering, pandering, panicking Punishing, pillaging, kill the king, long live the queen bee Be better to be bitten by recessive gene pool sharks Sink your teeth or swim through gullible gullyworks Nothing works but the ambulance’s ambivalence Towards innocence, oh the guilty pleasure Of quitting while you’re ahead of the funerals and fanfare’s fireball Have your package severanced in time for the helladays Hollow nights, feel the morning wood’s cellulose Celebrate a diatribe as you digest Readers inability to comprehend single cell sentencing. Sentencing Simmering Summoning Silencing. The beauty of being a child is feeling the same way Pretty much all the time.
3.
Ghosts chase You chase Dragon And becomes a ghost, like This is the best I can do With what I wish didn’t happen Addiction, adaption Addition, subtraction. Like, the ghosts chase you So you chase the dragon While the dragon chases its tail And becomes a ghost, like… Must be all that white privilege Must be a I’m a man in a man’s world Must be my parents are still together Must be my graduate education Must be any advantage that you could assume Without knowing of the hells that I’ve been through And sure, they’re now in my head But there’s no worse place for hell to be And you agree I can see with the facial expression Recognition software that’s embedded in my coping skills You as well have a pain so internalized Putting it in words just intensifies the loneliness Ironic, relatives can’t relate To the chalk outlines that they’ve sketched on your slate And friends have agendas of their own So no matter how surrounded, you always feel alone, like… The ghosts chase you So you chase the dragon While the dragon chases its tail And becomes a ghost, like… This is the best I can do With what I wish didn’t happen Addiction, adaption Addition, subtraction. Like, I gotta get yelled at for something Gotta get left with nothing but walls Gotta get gassed, believe that I’m perfect Gotta get my imperfections exploited Gotta get my dose of cortisol Absorb it all, then treat the world like a court of law Before the fall, there’s blame: people need saviors Now everyone’s addicted to shame seeking behaviors Temper tantrums, road rage, and button pushing Bound by brains to bash against boundaries Serotonin isn’t up there with oxygen It’s down here for when opportunity knocks again Locked within a 12 step 2 step Who step? You step, I step off of the wagon Living for the now just ruined me for later Can’t threaten me with death: you’d be doing me a favor. Like, the ghosts chase us So we chase the dragon While the dragon chases its tail And becomes a ghost, like…
4.
Manic, restless: a myriad of stimulants and depressants Have got us all about to cram the exits I ran inspections, collected data, planned corrections Then came to grips, we’re just a blip, less than a nanosecond. The land’s infested meaning the planet’s essence Has been bastardized by man’s investments that manifest as Monetization of expansion efforts Privately planning fences while smiling for the camera lenses Scam the desperate, put a clamp on their pension Social insecurity, no purity in standard testing It’s just a measurement of aptitude for panicked spending The lions share can’t compare to what the lambs are lending Rampant aggression towards inanimate possessions Externalized reflection when internal panic sets in Now we brandish weapons cause the fam is stressing Over the keys of life and I’m not talking about piano lessons. We can’t accept it, feeling that we’ve been threatened Sitting on a gold mine but too proud to stand corrected Overwhelmed glands and senses, god damn it’s endless We sledge hammer ants while we glad hand molesters. You can’t protect us, we’re wearing condoms like amendments And channel friendships to manipulate for bland affections No attempt to respect or understand your preference So anyone you can’t have sex with is a tranny sexist And sex is as nonchalant as preparing breakfast To fill the void our parents left us so all we’re left with Porn addicted adolescents who cram erections To hormonal whores who think they look better as anorexics Tolerance shrinks as the Xanax stretches Neurological connections that allow us to examine leverage Grandest gestures got us game planning benders To fit into our predetermined name branded genders. The hang man’s agenda: a nest egg of scrambled ethics Revamp the message, oppressed rubber stamp oppressors Insurance is endurance, while the grains of sand connected But humans are bacteria, disease is an antiseptic. Cancer spreads quick, grants a death wish You only get 3, you see- the lamp is left stiff Hereditary defects in the hands of jesters The jokes on your fingerprints when they scanned your retinas A random checklist of soft tissue exposed To chemically enhanced pressures leaving you breathless Even you, precious- nobody’s safe, the dance is destined So ask yourself how much health can really answer questions Eternal life is impossible, not to mention Undesirable given the circumstance’s premise: A blemish, a menace, it’s curtains when the planet sheds us Nature abhors a vacuum, heed what I’ve said cause… We’re manic, restless: a myriad of stimulants and depressants Have got us all about to cram the exits I ran inspections, collected data, planned corrections Then came to grips, we’re just a blip, less than a nanosecond.
5.
Power grab, grift Swift with a pain switch so turn it off My footprints stay the same Stepped on it, kept promise, next product for the pioneers Stop by and say, “High!” next time you’re here Any time of year The season is Seez’s, he’s just emphatic, erratic But when the beat’s in the speakers, he’s got these patterns automatic And styles that the critics can’t credit Cause you really can’t get it if you don’t understand… Get it? Got it, I profit off of approval from self External validation mistaken as glue for your shell And I’m sick of hearing rappers getting passes on bullshit That’s bullshit I’m breaking out the tool kit for Cool Whip Bulls eye, direct hit, don’t mix A clever rhyme up with a clever idea I love my friends that are here, I miss my good friend Eyedea And if you make shitty music, I wish that you’d disappear Then he could come back, back and all would be fine, fine But that’s not how it works, works What is wrong with my mind? That’s not how it works.
6.
Bubbling up from the oblivion like a billion butterflies The possibilities of now The inevitability of a snow flake It’s own uniqueness… melting Because things Change… And in this way, stay the same.
7.
Human Farm 02:03
I want to see that smile of yours Two legs bad, let’s get down on all fours We are animals Who learned to keep score. We were both holding on to our fear Cause it’s the only way we knew we were here Keeping it near just to appear Like we’re not alone. We were as honest as we could have been And I doubt much has changed since then I’d say hello, but my control Is wearing thin. There is love, then there is lust Chemicals combine, then they combust Without trust, it is just An inhuman game. You see, narcissists shouldn’t have kids The whole world’s gone to shit cause they did We built a grid, so now we all live On a human farm. I want to see that smile of yours Two legs bad, let’s get down on all fours We are animals Who learned to keep score. Keep trying that.
8.
My mom was sick while I was young It only takes a woman’s love To make me feel like I am 5 again When I was 5, wrong time and place My body froze, my mind escaped Into a void where there was no noise Boys yelled at me and what they said Created monsters in my head Which explains the monster I became. There is no god, there is no devil There is no truth, there is no special There’s only what your head will hold. I’d wonder where my mom could be While the monsters talked to me They’d tell me, “Let our poison fill your soul.” I did my best to keep my cool And play by all their silly rules But I fear that loss is all I’ll ever know Kellie left, Mikey died Now I just have monsters inside I see my head and want to drill a hole. There is no god, there is no devil There is no truth, there is no special There’s only what your head will hold. Now I am not afraid to die Because the way that death must feel Cannot be worse than the pain I’m in I lost true love, I lost a friend I lost my sense of self, and then I found my head can only hold so much In my heart, I know I am good Though a misanthrope, misunderstood But worst of all, I feel like I’m bad luck. There is no god, there is no devil There is no truth, there is no special There’s only what your head will hold.
9.
you will never fear smell again you will never smell my fear again It was a hot cold day night in Jucember The hormones burned memories to ember I remember our reality was so hardly half-hearted It felt softer to pretend we’re… you will never smell my fear again … whole enough for love despite what you put inside of me Your internal penis envy found an outlet in your mouth Penetrate, penalize, recidivist reasons why Hide so deep in your subconscious There’s no conscious in being honest I’m not your father, it’s not my fault you’re a fucking failure Just like your memory: remember to forget I fought back by not fighting Manipulated mind spread wide as thighs Thematic thrusting, figurative fisting A mouthful of lashes Let’s just illuminate the loathing Project, infect, protect… Shell shocked shoe shine, take your victimized mask off Reveal face of an assaulter, then the arms of an avenger. It was a hot cold day night in Jucember The hormones burned memories to ember I remember our reality was so hardly half-hearted It felt softer to pretend we’re… never apologize to your rapist Claim you’re not a liar, liar truth is never momentary Overbearing burdened by the boundaries and broken Skinsulated by the company you keep on pulling in To push away and peel a layer of respect off of the fruit Bar fly so have a drink, my blood is on the house keys I wish I’d locked the door soon enough to open up my eyes Have it, we don’t, compatible’s compartmentalized Codependency of pride, being wrong never felt so right. i feel like i should say something here Or wrong, responses get repetitive Every relapse, a lash on the leaps I wouldn’t take I could stand around and watch you fall apart Or in love, but what’s the difference when now is not enough? Whenever will be? Do the world a favor: favor the world Filter, finger Blame’s more comfortable When it comes to you, I won’t come for you I’m uncomfortable and won’t apologize for saying so So.
10.
(Seez Mics) No need to tear at the flesh of the flesh that’s already been Torn. Why didn’t I chase your ghost When you left our haunted house Too scared to need know If you really wanted out How’s that for narcissism How about my heartless prison I did my time, some time went by So high, I was almost living Listened to me long enough to put a pattern to your escape But you didn’t kill me, that was your biggest mistake I’m still awake Your flesh is still appealing But when I touch, there is no feeling Used to be my angel, now your halo is a noose concealing Vampire bites from Frankenstein When the sheep cry werewolf, blatant lie So a banshee flies to a place to hide While the man made monster stays inside time Take your time live We’ll live forever die Unless we die because we couldn’t live together I’m torn You’re torn We’re torn. (Kristoff Krane) Some things just don’t work out Lazy dirty bird in a little worm’s mouth Take a turn down the worst route Learn to stop the car, park and get out Look up, get blessed, get down on my knees: kiss death This process of detachment’s got me holding my last breath A memory of something missing His energy is always living He made my candle a lantern I guess it had to happen Reminding me to always listen (heart) To the voice of ancient wisdom (heart) I played the host, I chased his ghost Til I caught a cold and kept drifting (apart) Some things don’t go as planned When signs of a flood, we tend to build a damn Start to fool myself thinking I could be the man Like Gilligan on an island all alone So I make my bed, stay up all night Thinking if I don’t sleep, it’ll be alright But something just doesn’t feel right Like I’m running from a big bright light That force that pulls on you like full moon in mid June Trying to decide whether to misuse or miss you It’s simple: tip toe to the window, BOOM PISTOL Til it rips through the other side When something dies, something is born With tissue I’m torn.
11.
Cruel Fuel 02:16
I did my best, now let me go I turned my pain into a plus Then put on quite the show And made it real for all of us If there's a god, please let me know This cruel is fuel enough For being high on what's below My will will die of rust. I don't trust so I don't tread I swim through guilt full steam ahead My machine is never clean Fueled by the cruel in what I've heard and seen Close your mouth, and then your eyes Take off your skin, bury your bones My mind is closed, my heart’s a grave The ghosts of gravitational pull and unemotional push. You've got to accept that fear can prevent you from ever having moments of happiness cruelfuel! Only then can you make the conscious choice to tell the fear you're not happy with… A cheap life full of avarice A peace pipe for the pacifist Delight in the sadness since The immature machines are fueled by the same cruel Sleep tight in the scattered mist Speak right with haphazard lips Real life wanna act as is if The immature machines are fueled by the same cruel fuel! Another night, I can’t fall asleep Another day, I can’t wake up Another life, I don’t wanna die Another death, I don’t wanna live.
12.
13.
We’re in the business of being bad Bad at understanding And business is good The market requires No soul researching Patterns of a populace cherry picked By window shopping Desperate displays Of a normal nobody knows Yet everyone expects to own. Give us your wired, your bored befuddled asses Staring at TV’s We’ll color code debt they don’t have yet Buy em in black, sell em in red Atomize the nuclear family Itemize the cost of conception Insure brains against bodies Put pills in your bottles and on your plates Grow more grains than our bellies can hold The starved for attention scream for scraps When the yes men start telling you “no” The pyramids were dreams til the schemes collapsed. We’re in the business of being bad Bad at understanding And business is good The market requires No soul researching Patterns of a populace cherry picked By window shopping Desperate displays Of a normal nobody knows Yet everyone expects to own. We walk a mile in the shoes of urban youth Then sell fear in the form of fast food We put your head on our shoulders and say, “There, there… by the way, the monsters are real.” We burn books about how to build bridges Then let the fire extinguish foundations We build cages and call them schools Then funnel all the rats into bigger cages We killed hemp and electrics cars We sell planets and sex with stars We only fight to collect the scars We didn’t think it would get this far. We’re in the business of being bad Bad at understanding And thanks to your brand loyalty You know, business is good The market requires No soul researching Patterns of a populace cherry picked By window shopping Desperate displays Of a normal nobody knows Yet everyone expects to own We feel for you. Like a hand which was full of figs Then bitten by upright pigs Like a limb which was lost at sea While fishing for compliments Like the empathy you tried to grasp But couldn’t hold without dropping cash Like the pedestals where you place Heroes to watch em fall from grace Like the prayers you pray, like the flags you wave Like the wars you wage because your god is gay Post pathic profiteers.

about

the more life
i live
the more i realize
life is hard
for everybody.

"Cruel Fuel"
is an exploration of the
experiences and circumstances
that have made my life hard
but i felt unable to deal with directly
because of fear and shame.

my hope
is that being open and honest
encourages others to
deal directly with their fear and shame
instead of continuing to be
fueled by
the same
cruel fuel.

credits

released September 23, 2014

Lyrics by Seez Mics (Fuwwy Music, ASCAP)
Music by Max Bent
"Torn" features lyrics by Kristoff Krane
"Post Pathic Profiteers" features scratches by DJ Abilities

license

all rights reserved

tags

about

Seez Mics D.C.

my music
is a mirror
looking back
at you.

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